Relationships by their nature make us vulnerable. And sometimes we get so bogged down with what could happen, and how we may get hurt, that we risk damaging what we have in the present.
Feeling insecure in a relationship takes a real toll on us; it might feel like our happiness and contentment is under threat.
It can result in circular, exhausting over-thinking which eats away at the enjoyment of the relationship and taints our view of it.
It can help to equip yourself with some knowledge, so that you can try to identify where the insecurity is stemming from and what you can do about it:
Where does insecurity come from?
- Insecurity often arises from an insecure attachment to a parent/s
- It can develop after being hurt in a previous relationship
- It can stem from a lack of self esteem
- It sometimes arises from having unrealistically high expectations of yourself, and others
These are some of the most common ones. The good news is that it is possible to work on these.
How can I help myself?
There are some ways you can take care of yourself:
Be careful of what you are assuming, and of what conclusions you are drawing. If your partner has not replied to your messages, perhaps they are busy – or their phone is flat? Give people the benefit of the doubt, until proven otherwise.
Remember your worth
Focus on what you offer a partner. Remember nice things you have done, or said to them. Chances are you have overlooked your own value and contribution to the relationship.
Maintain your independence
Have your own interests, it is vital that you still have stories to tell each other. This can’t happen if you are watching their every move or wanting to be with them all the time to alleviate your own anxiety.
Own up to your anxieties and insecurities with your partner. Most people are understanding, and most will try to help.
See a counsellor
If the above seems too hard to achieve on your own, a counsellor can help you to examine what is triggering your anxieties and suggest coping skills to empower you.
Don’t hesitate to get in touch!