If you’ve decided it’s over for good, these break up tips might be useful. This is something I get asked about a lot, so hopefully these will help you too 😊

  • Realise that breaking up is a form of grief/bereavement.

Not only did you lose the person, you lost the life you thought you were going to share together. That’s huge stuff that doesn’t disappear overnight. Take the time to grieve.

  • Move your body

Your head is going to be busy during this time – it’s normal for our brain to get bogged down in trying to figure out exactly what went wrong. Unfortunately, sometimes this leads to more unhelpful thinking patterns such as rumination. One of the solutions to this is to move – get out, walk or exercise to help turn off your thoughts, it won’t do it completely, but you do need to discharge this energy.

  • Accept you might not get closure

Closure is over-rated. Accept you might not get it, and that by trying to get it, you might delay your own grief process. Think about it – by continually initiating contact to ask why, you are putting your expectations on another person, who might not be capable of meeting these anyway. Focus your attention on how you were in the relationship – what can you take away from this experience?

  • Going no-contact can be a good idea

This means not checking out their social media and what they got up to last Saturday night, or similarly interviewing mutual friends about their whereabouts or what they’re saying about you. Also relates to not having endless soul crushing conversations over text or messenger. Sometimes there are limitations, like when you have kids or shared property, if this is the case try to keep discussions to these relevant issues.

  • Make a list

One of the most challenging parts of a break up is the fight that happens between your heart and your head. Your heart wants to go back but your head knows better. You need to get those logical, decision-making thinking processes going again. One way to do this is to type a list into your phone of around five things you didn’t like about your ex or their actions; reminders as to why you believe the break up occurred, and read it daily.

Good luck! It’s a painful process but once you get past the initial pain and devastation, it can also be a brilliant exercise in self-reflection on what you want (and don’t want) in a relationship going forward. If you feel you’re getting bogged down, don’t hesitate to get in touch. I practice relationship-sensitive individual therapy.

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