Ever felt that being single is somehow wrong? In our society, it is often seen as more acceptable to be part of a malfunctioning couple, rather than be on your own…
Single people often report feeling like there must be something wrong with them, or that they have failed in some way. This message is commonly reiterated by well-meaning family and friends asking ‘why’ a person is single – and what, they haven’t found someone ‘yet’?
Scared of being single
If you are afraid of being single, it can lead to settling for not-so-good partners or relationships. Research in this area has demonstrated that women who are scared of being single tend to be more dependent upon unhappy romantic relationships, as compared to women who are okay with the idea of being single.
And, even worse, this fear acts like a glue, keeping this couple bound tightly together instead of apart.
Other contributors that might really be operating, and which can consume us if we are afraid of being single, may be:
- the fear of being alone,
- preoccupation with what others may think of their single status, and
- core needs such as belonging and intimacy, which are not being met.
While it is normal to want to connect and have companionship and love, it can be helpful to ask yourself where your motivation lies. Are you seeking a relationship to escape something else you might be feeling?
A few pointers to help you with these, as this stuff is pretty big and can be quite painful emotionally:
- Don’t define yourself by your relationship status, surely there is more to you?
- Don’t become consumed by the thought there is something wrong with you – this is dangerous thinking and very negative.
- Don’t buy in to what society says – you are not somehow ‘less’ because you are single.
- Don’t get caught up in the comparison trap – being in a relationship does not necessarily mean you will feel better about yourself.
If you need some more help with this, don’t hesitate to get in touch 🙂