Is it ok to check your partner’s phone?

Short answer to this one – generally, no, it isn’t ok to check your partner’s phone. While a lot of couples may reason that they have nothing to hide, so it is ok, from a relationship counselling perspective I am curious and wonder about the following:

Trust issues

What is driving this behaviour? Is there a conversation with your partner that is too scary for you to have? Perhaps you have been betrayed before and feel there is just no way you are ever repeating that…

It really points to something much bigger..

Is reading through their messages really going to provide you with the reassurance you are seeking? Feeling jealous and left out sometimes are part and parcel of being in a relationship. Reading through their messages won’t make you feel more connected to them, nor will it prevent infidelity.


It’s just so easy to check a phone, unfortunately more so than being vulnerable and asking for what you need. It also backfires, by spreading a culture of secrecy and distrust across the relationship.


Sometimes these behaviours become a coping strategy when communication has broken down, or there is a lack of openness in the relationship. Privacy in a healthy, loving relationship can be a good thing, contributing to feelings of  trust and respect.

If that’s not what you’re feeling, then there is more going on than the ‘right’ to check your partner’s phone. Let’s talk if you need support 🙂








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